Time of Transition

I know that the 2 or 3 people who read my blog have been waiting with great anticipation for my next blog post, so...I'm back :)

 I wouldn't want to hold you in suspense any longer.... We're going to be a family of SIX in October!! Woohoo! We are very excited to be adding to our family again, and we are incredibly thankful to God for giving us such a privilege. I am currently 16 weeks along and starting to feel better now that the 2nd trimester is well underway. Luke and Ellie are both very excited to have another sibling. Ellie wants to name the baby Morgan no matter what the gender is, and Luke informed us that he prayed to God asking for a brother and God said "yes." :) I really want to know the gender early this time, but Dan does not. Grr. I know I have a fairly high chance of a repeat c-section and I don't want to be sore, caring for 4 children AND doing laundry for the new little one....I'd rather have all the clothes ready early. It seems that thus far I have been unable to convince Dan of the convenience of finding out the gender early, so I suppose we won't be finding out. You see, there's this passage in the Bible about how wives ought to submit...

The last couple months have been very challenging, which is probably why I haven't posted in a while. Throughout the first trimester I struggled with overwhelming fatigue and fairly challenging nausea (no vomiting thankfully!). While I tried my best to deal with those symptoms, I was also trying my best to raise up a little girl, whose name might be Adalyn, whose temperament is incredibly strong-willed, stubborn and feisty. She cries and screams. ALOT. Like--I put in her crib and close her bedroom door 1-3 times daily--cries and screams. It's been very challenging, frustrating, and lonely. I have felt insufficient to meet Luke and Ellie's wants and needs (anyone love reading a book aloud to two older children while the youngest screams and claws at you?). These past few months have helped induce a number of fears. How are Luke and Ellie developing? Ellie doesn't even recognize all her numbers! Is Luke learning his phonics in a timely manner? Eek! Luke can't tie his shoes yet! How am I possibly going to homeschool this fall? What if the last few months are a reflection of how Adalyn and my relationship will be forever?! Where is my relationship with Lord going? When I have quiet time I either want to run away or sleep.

So needless to say, I have struggled the last few months. It's been a rough patch in my mothering journey and hopefully I will grow from it. At this very moment I feel defeated, but prayerfully God will redeem it. Adalyn is a beautiful and affectionate little girl who knows just how to melt a heart...I just pray that as God holds intact the feisty spirit He gave her, He also breaks her will so it grows into alignment with His. That's all for now. Someone's calling... ;)